Episode 19: Show Yourself, Know Yourself; or what I learned from Elsa

Note: I first wrote this post on March 17, so it's been nearly a month. It got put on the shelf for a variety of reasons, but mostly because covid-19 took over my entire podcast life. I wrote and recorded a couple episodes on here, and I launched a podcast for the children's ministry at my church. This meant that Elsa had to wait a little while. I thought about editing it with some fresh insights, but after re-reading, it turns out I'm pretty good with this. In fact, I needed to re-read it. I'd already forgotten in all the stress and strangeness of a pandemic what I had learned from everyone's favorite ice princess. So. Here's my take on Frozen 2. 

I'm one of those types who finds deep meaning in basically everything. I always have been. Throw a book, song, or movie at me and there's a real good chance I'll walk away with some meaningful message or inspiration. Usually both. I've come away from Marvel movies with insights about God and Christianity. I wrote several blog posts high on Mary Poppins Returns. And if you click on the "banjo" tag on my blog, you'll quickly see how much I've taken from my favorite songs.

So hopefully you won't think I'm a loon when I tell you that Frozen 2 spoke to me in very profound ways. Or, maybe you still think I'm nutsy cuckoo but at least you know it's totally keeping in character for me.

I saw it for the first time on Sunday night of this here wonderful social distancing time we're having. My kids and I have watched it two more times since and we started streaming the soundtrack. My 4yo daughter is deep in her Elsa feels. And now I have joined her. Give me some glittery blue heels and a snowflake cape. I want in.

There are a lot of great little moments and lines in Frozen 2. And Elsa and Anna are definitely the strongest Disney princesses I have ever seen. Their grit and strength are incredible, and I absolutely am here for it. Especially since Kristoff is still strong, needed, and heroic in his own right. I really value that they didn't disenfranchise men while empowering women (I'm looking at you Maleficent. Gah, that movie really got on my nerves). Excellent work with the Frozen squad, folks at Disney.

But the moment I signed up for Team Elsa is what I really want to talk about. There's really no way around spoilers here so if you haven't seen it and you care about that kind of thing...STOP READING...go Disney+ yourself or Redbox or whatever you need to do and go watch this movie. You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll want a reindeer for a best friend. It's great.

Okay, ready now? Let's dig in.

Watching Elsa relentlessly cross the Dark Sea was the moment my husband and I looked at each other totally straight up impressed with a Disney princess. This sea is wicked. Her parents drowned it, a truth she has only just learned. And there is a water spirit in the form of a horse literally trying to drown her. But she does not give up. She gets clever. When her sheer power doesn't work as it did with the fire and wind spirits, she uses her brains and harnesses the horse with an ice bit and bridle. The horse recognizes her as an equal then and, like me, joins Team Elsa. She rides the water horse towards a huge glacier or iceberg which she realizes is Ahtohallan--the river which holds secrets of the past. It's frozen. The place where her parents believed they would find out why their daughter had magic, the place which holds all the truth about the past and who and why Elsa is....is frozen. And the meaning isn't lost on her.

She begins to weep. She knows she's about to find out something deep and powerful and true about herself in this place. She senses the voice that has been calling to her. Her emotions are overwhelming but she does not stop. She embraces everything Ahtohallan has to reveal.

And, since this is Disney and they don't waste Idina Menzel's remarkable talent, she also begins to sing.

This song. This. This is actually the moment that gave me chills. Beforehand I was impressed with her. I'm cheering for her. Maybe even fangirling like my preschooler. Yet in this song, "Show Yourself" I became her.

No. I'm not an ice princess and I don't have magic. Unfortunately. I'm probably more like Anna in the long and short of it--kinda clumsy and impulsive and fiercely loving. But I do know how it feels to not understand yourself. I know what it means to be different.

"I've never felt so certain

All my life I've been torn

But I'm here for a reason

Could it be the reason I was born?

I have always been so different

Normal rules did not apply

Is this the day?

Are you the way

I finally find out why?"

Maybe we all feel this way. I think we probably do. I've felt very aware of my own abnormalities lately. I'm 35 years old and have just recently learned that I'm ADHD. I'm the inattentive type, meaning I'm not necessarily hyper but I'm unfocused. Daydreamy. Disorganized. Scattered. Struggle with routine and consistency. Can't follow through. Loses things. Prone to irrational frustration and rage.

Yep. That's me. And that's hard to look at sometimes. Like Elsa, sometimes all I can see is the destruction of my differences. Have you ever noticed the guilt Elsa walks around with?? It's particularly noticeable in the two Frozen shorts that Disney created between the films. Elsa blames herself for so much. I get that on my hard days. Sometimes it's tempting to look around and see only mayhem, hang your head in shame, and blame yourself.

But, like my girl Elsa, I'm wired differently. We just never ever knew it. I was good at school. A fantastic student, in fact. And I held down jobs okay and maintain personal relationships pretty well. I'm empathetic and invested. I'm really creative and imaginative. I think I can also be witty, clever, and innovative from time to time. And when I'm focused on something, I'm like a dog with a bone. I don't stop until it's done.

Some of this is, in fact, symptoms of ADHD! It isn't all bad! The flip side of so many of the negatives are some really vibrant positives. Research shows a lot of girls are just like me, and aren't diagnosed until they're grown women. We adapt to the negatives until something like motherhood comes along. That's like Anna tearing the gloves off...chaos ensues. And everything you thought you could control, is now out of control.

So maybe I really am more like Elsa after all. And her song of self-discovery is really self-acceptance. And I am here.for.it.

"You are the one you've been waiting for... all of my life."

Can I take a moment here to say that I really love that the animators let both Elsa and Anna ugly cry in this movie?? Later on, there's this moment where Anna is crying and wiping her snot with her hands and it's just so real. I love it. And in this song "Show Yourself" Elsa sees her mother and all her memories and she's so overcome. She's got tears just streaming down her face even as she belts out her song. It's a beautiful thing when all the pieces and parts of the past, when all the bits and pieces of yourself finally make sense to you. It can be hard. And the journey there definitely is, as it was for Elsa harnessing the horse. But it is absolutely worth it to get to a place where you know who you are and you love yourself.

As is always the case with Elsa, a big ballad with self-actualization means a costume change. This time girlfriend gets a glittering white ensemble and loses the braid. She looks so free and so utterly herself.

The story doesn't end there. Her journey to Altohallan was not only for herself but to find out why the spirits left and Arendelle is in danger. To pursue the truth, she must go deeper and put herself in grave danger. She does, knowing that it must be done and also trusting that her sister will find a way to make things right.  

Sometimes when we dig deep into the past, it's painful. The trauma we unearth, the secrets we uncover, it can be damaging. But it's impossible to fully discover who you are and who you were meant to be without dealing with the hard stuff. And just as Elsa does it for herself and Arendelle, we do it for ourselves and our people. I didn't start counseling until I became concerned that my issues would become my children's issues. That's some real talk right there. It hasn't been easy, but it's been worth it and will continue to be. I mean, it sure would be great if we could all just sing a great song, get a fantastic makeover, and have our hair blown out to be all okay inside and out. It just doesn't work that way. I'm really glad it wasn't that simple for Elsa either. Her journey was for her and her people, and she needed her people to survive it. 

Let me break this down those of us who are not Disney princesses with ice power and water horses. Guys, healing takes community. And maybe that's actually the very best thing about the Frozen franchise is that it's a community. They're a makeshift family with two sisters, an orphan mountain man with a reindeer for a best friend, and a magical talking snowman. Yes, Anna and Kristoff are in love, but the whole story is really about all of them finding and needing each other. You take away one of them, and the group is missing something essential. Even Sven the Reindeer--and my goodness, I absolutely love Sven in this one. We all need community to thrive. We cannot do life alone. And we certainly cannot face trauma and the past alone. Even moreso, we cannot embrace all that we're meant to be alone. We weren't created for alone! 

I would not have the courage to go to counseling, to explore possible diagnoses, to talk out in the big wide open about hard things without my community. I have amazing family who love me and always have just as I am. I have friends who let me fangirl about banjo boys and cry about my shortcomings. I have friends who are now family, who embrace all that I am and say that it's valuable. And I have a relationship with my Creator where I can tell Him I think He really messed up assigning me my life, and He spends the day showing me how nothing is really messed up at all. It's loud. It's messy. But it's also vibrant, dynamic, and full of love. 

It can be hard to find your tribe.  But it is absolutely worth the risk and the work to find your people. (That's a major lesson in the first Frozen. Give a listen to the song "Fixer Upper" and take notes.) Lean in. Ask questions. Invite people over (after covid-19 becomes a memory, of course). Do for others and let them do for you. And when you're facing something really hard, or when you're working really hard on your emotional-mental health, don't try to do it alone. Talk about it with someone. Share the struggles and let them help you how they can. And get to know Jesus. Maybe you never have for yourself. I'm not here to tell you that trusting Jesus makes your life magical and easy, but I can assure you, you're never alone. 

Okay, so I think that's all I got on that. Below is the music video for "Show Yourself". You're quarantined with nothing to do, take four and a half minutes to watch this. And be inspired. It's okay to be different. Be who you are. And embrace your tribe.