Fantastic Light

I sorta have a love affair with light. It's been a lifelong thing. Perhaps it started because I was afraid of the dark and nightlights were such faithful little electric companions. Maybe it's because I went to the planetarium once as a kid and fell in love with starlight. Or it might be because I know what it is to stumble about in proverbial darkness and need a great light to give warmth, direction, and well, light. 

In him was life, and the life was the light of men. The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.
-- John 1:4‭-‬5 ESV

In the summer of 2016 I was struggling with post-partum depression, grieving the passing of my beloved grandmother (I lost 3 grandparents in 7 months time), trying to put down roots in a still new area, and working through long days and longer nights as a worn out mother of two. It was a dark time. I won't lie about that and I'll try to not exaggerate. A friend who met with me each week for bible study and encouragement described me as "clawing for the light." It was a very apt description. I knew I desperately needed the Light. I asked God to show me the light.

That summer there were hundreds and hundreds, maybe a thousand, fireflies who came out to dance in our yard each night. I'd never seen so many in my life. I couldn't walk without bumping into them. And oh, the hours I spent that summer walking in our yard. It was a large grassy yard with several tall, tall trees for shade. My husband would take our 4 year old son out to the family farm to pal around as he worked, and I would carry our six month old baby girl in my arms as I walked around the yard. I sang hymns and praise songs and trendy Christian tunes from the radio, whatever stirred in my heart and fell out of my mouth. And I prayed. And cried. Not always sad tears. Just sometimes because of exhaustion and hard mental-emotional-spiritual work often warrants crying. God led me through deep trust issues, with Him and humanity. He led me closer to His own heart. 

And every night the fireflies flickered in the trees and the grass and the fields all around. Lights blinking one to another. I'm here. I'm here. You're not alone. See my light? 

"You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden.  Nor do people light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a stand, and it gives light to all in the house.  In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven.
--Matthew 5:14‭-‬16 ESV

One night it hit me. The Kindom of Heaven is like fireflies in a dark world. I light up so you can know you're not alone. You light up so I can know I'm not alone. We communicate in the light. We live and move and have our being in the Light. 

How far that little candle throws his beams! So shines a good deed in a naughty world. 
--William Shakespeare, Merchant of Venice

It's now January of 2019, almost three years later. I haven't seen a firefly in months. But the Light keeps coming to me. I just have to look. It's been a weird, warm, gray, dreary winter in Ohio (and elsewhere). Much too bleak, not enough sun. On Christmas there was sunshine. On my daughter's birthday just two weeks and two days later there was sunshine. Today it was warm and sunny and we had a trip to the park. My son, now six, picked me a sunny yellow dandelion. In January. 

I saw Mary Poppins Returns again tonight. I get a little bingey with beautiful things. I always have. It's an affliction but one I don't mind. And I've concluded that my favorite part is when Jack and the Lamplighters teach the new generation of Banks children to "trip a little light fantastic."

'Trip a Little Light Fantastic' is the big show-stopping number, similar to 'Chim-Chim-Cheree' in the original movie. Again, trying to avoid spoilers, I will reveal this much (since I think it's revealed in the trailers and elsewhere) Lin-Manuel Miranda leads the London Lamplighters in an exuberant song and dance about turning on the light. It's fun, it's toe-tapping, it's got a great dance break, and it's a catchy tune. 

And it's about light. It exhorts us to not give up when we're in a fog of confusion, when we're weary inside and out, when we just want to hide or lay down and be done. Don't quit. Look for the light. Shine for others to see.  

It's everything I've come to hold dear as God has been teaching me about light my entire life. From nightlights to starlight to fireflies to lamplight....He's used it all to point to Himself. The Light of the World. 

The people who walked in darkness have seen a great light; those who dwelt in a land of deep darkness, on them has light shone. -- Isaiah 9:2 ESV

I've found that if I just pay attention I can find God in the most unlikely places. He seems to favor that trick. After all, we've just celebrated the time He turned up in a manger as a newborn. And wherever I find Him, there's the light. Fantastic light.