Kindness Carries the Light

The last few days have been utterly exhausting but God has been in each moment, boldly revealing himself. In family. In friends. In quiet moments. And sometimes in banjos.

Yes, banjos. Let me explain.

Three years ago my childhood best friend, Holly, happened to be watching a morning news program when an Irish band came on to play a couple songs and promote their summer tour. Knowing me and my love for anything Irish, she texted me the name of the band and told me to look them up.

I. Fell. In. Love.

David Howley, Martin Howley, Enda Scahill, and Fergal Scahill

The band is We Banjo 3 and their genre is 'celtgrass' which is

an amazing marriage of American bluegrass with traditional Irish folk music. Two sets of brothers, Martin and David Howley, and Enda and Fergal Scahill, make up this incredible quartet of unparalleled talent and awesomeness.

Last year, in 2018, Holly and I went to see them in concert at the GAR Hall in Peninsula. The GAR Hall was constructed during the Civil War, and as it houses many artifacts from the era, it retains all of its historic charm. It's an intimate little hall that was packed with people--most of whom had seen the band before. Holly and I had no idea what we were in for. A Scottish band, Talisk, opened for them and blew the lid off the old hall. Then We Banjo 3 absolutely blew us away with their talent, passion, storytelling, and kindness. We left that night (in a snow storm) committed to We Banjo 3 for life.

At that concert, they played a couple new songs from the album they went on to release in the summer of 2018. Songs about depression and hope and family and love. Songs that stuck with me for a long time. And when that album dropped, I played it on a loop for weeks. My kids know the words to every song, and I'm good with that. The messages on the Haven album are everything I need to hear and want my kids to internalize. I don't think I've ever heard an album as honest and hopeful as this one. It's a curious blend in this modern age of cynicism and, well, ugly. But it's what we so desperately need. Honest words that life isn't always easy and mental health is a messy business sometimes, yet tempered with the insistent message of hope and light. I've talked before about my obsession with light. At least four songs on Haven talk about light. No wonder this is my jam.

Mental health is a hard thing to talk about. At the risk of this backfiring on me....I've wrestled with depression off and on for over a decade. Probably closer to two decades, though it it wasn't diagnosed until 2008. After my son was born in 2012, I experienced post partum depression which made me afraid that someone was going to take him away from me if I made a mistake, and that anyone but me would be better at raising him. It took about six or eight weeks for that to pass. When my daughter was born in 2016, PPD actually presented as anxiety. I'd never experienced anxiety like that before. I couldn't explain how I felt to anyone. I just knew I wasn't me, and I wasn't right. And talking about it felt impossibly hard at times. This took six to eight months before I got my feet under me again. Over the years, I've endured some dark days and nights that keep me ever yearning for the light. 

The hard things are the things we need to talk about. Or write music about. Or write novels about. My Sayen Falls Series features many characters wrestling with mental health issues for a wide variety of reasons. Most notably are my main characters; Blythe Elwood who is prone to depression and Gracen Hall who battles anxiety daily. As the story progresses into future books, I'll explore other facets of mental health like trauma and PTSD. But there will always be a thread of light and hope to follow. I want to be brave enough to write about the hard things--to write boldly about hard things as Hemingway instructed--and also brave enough to claw for the light.

The first time I listened to the Haven album in its entirety, I was almost in shock. My characters could've written these songs. 'War of Love' is Jesse Beckwith in a three-minute-and-twenty-nine-second song. I mean, it's eerie. And 'Pack It Up' could easily be played by Silas Elwood at an open-mic at The Yellow Bowl. The title song 'Haven' is so fitting for Blythe and for Gracen that I'm starting to wonder if the banjo boys hacked my laptop.

"Lay down your weapons, lay down with me. We will stare at the stars and think what life could be. Island of memories we'll leave them where they lie. Can we make the choice for love and joy? The moon lights a path we can travel down. River runs wild with what has gone before. Cast aside for new and more and more and more and more and more and more. Let me be your haven. Let me be your light. Sail with me across the ocean deep. And find a place for love and joy."

I was supposed to attend the We Banjo 3 concert in Peninsula this past weekend. Then we had a medical emergency. Everything planned was immediately canceled and I shifted all my attention to my husband.

Holly still went to the concert. She sent me some pictures, and told me that Martin compared Peninsula to Narnia or Hogwarts because no one has ever heard of it and you can't find it unless you know about it. I mean, he's not wrong. In fact, I think he's spot-on. 

Then, after the show she sought out David. She told him how our plans were derailed and my husband was in the hospital. The next thing I knew I was on the phone with him. It wasn't riveting conversation on my end because I was rather astonished. (I gave the play by play to my husband and he said it sounded like when he'd call girls in 7th grade. Again, he's not wrong. Pretty spot-on). 

And yet that brief conversation carried the light. Kindness always carries the light, and often small actions can carry more than we'd ever expect. This perhaps is the underlying message in Haven, and it is without a doubt an underlying message of Sayen Falls.

My family has been blessed with so many acts of kindness over the last few days. Our family and friends have been invaluable. I told my mom that I can tell so many people are praying because I can practically see it dripping down the walls. We are saturated in love right now. Even a wee bit of banjo love. And we're all back home under one roof! As I write this, everyone is sleeping soundly except me. As usual and as it should be. I'm heading off to dreamland soon myself. I will likely dream of kindness because I'm just so in awe of the Lord's mercies and the actions of kind souls. 

If We Banjo 3 plays a show anywhere even remotely near you--go. Even if you think celtgrass is not your thing. It will become your thing. It will be fun and entertaining, and it will be hopeful. And if you get to talk to the boys, they will be friendly and kind. And if you can manage to not be tongue-tied like me, they'll even listen to your stories.

And if you can't get to a show, download the album, grab a couple friends, and share your stories. Build community, find your tribe, make connections. As the boys in the band say, "we all need more kindness in this world....we all need more banjos in this world." And trust me, when something comes up and knocks your feet out from under you, having a real community to catch your fall is priceless.