Now, as most of you know, I homeschool my two kids. I have an eight year old son and a four year old daughter. This year is the first year I'm really schooling my daughter. She's just been an add-on accessory the past couple years, mostly just enjoying art projects and scribbling in her own workbooks from the Dollar Tree.
But I never thought I would be a homeschooler. If you had asked me at any point prior to 2015 for my thoughts on homeschooling, they would've been riddled with stereotypes and prejudice. Let's just cut to the chase: most people's opinions on homeschooling are riddled with stereotypes and prejudice. We all knew that one weird family that homeschooled, that one awkward kid who never figure out socialization, and that one time that one homeschooling mom said something so unscientific that clearly the entire community is off its collective rocker. Or even worse--when a news story breaks about an abusive family that hid beneath the guise of home education. It's really easy to make snap judgements about any group of people. A few months ago I pointed out to someone ranting about homeschoolers that to lump us all together as abusive nutjobs (as she was), is like saying everyone who rides a motorcylce is a violent gangmember. Obviously, that's not the case.
Newsflash: there are weird families, awkward kids, and wacky educators in brick and mortar schools, too. And abusive home lives are not exclusive to the homeschool community. Ask any public school teacher if they've had to make a phone call to children's services.
So, now that we can set aside those stereotypes and prejudices, let's talk about real homeschooling. I had a huge learning curve over two or three years. I really never thought I would homeschool, but when we couldn't afford preschool for our son, I started to investigate. What I discovered is that the homeschool world is more varied, more complex, more rich, more dynamic, and more successful than I ever knew. The options are literally endless. And I learned some things about public education that unsettled me. Let me be clear: not with teachers! Most teachers are heroes who deserve their own holiday. But public education is a government endeavor and I'm not comfortable with some of the things I learned in my research. I researched a lot before deciding to homeschool. Looking back, I was probably just trying to justify the call I had on my heart to home educate. Still, my research really helped me know my reasons why I wanted to take on this big adventure (and burden) of homeschooling. It really helps to know you're "why". It gets you through the rough patches. And there are rough patches.
So, now that we can set aside those stereotypes and prejudices, let's talk about real homeschooling. I had a huge learning curve over two or three years. I really never thought I would homeschool, but when we couldn't afford preschool for our son, I started to investigate. What I discovered is that the homeschool world is more varied, more complex, more rich, more dynamic, and more successful than I ever knew. The options are literally endless. And I learned some things about public education that unsettled me. Let me be clear: not with teachers! Most teachers are heroes who deserve their own holiday. But public education is a government endeavor and I'm not comfortable with some of the things I learned in my research. I researched a lot before deciding to homeschool. Looking back, I was probably just trying to justify the call I had on my heart to home educate. Still, my research really helped me know my reasons why I wanted to take on this big adventure (and burden) of homeschooling. It really helps to know you're "why". It gets you through the rough patches. And there are rough patches.
Let me share with you a few things I've learned the hard way in my homeschool journey, so hopefully some of your rough patches won't be as painful as mine.
The first thing I had to learn that homeschooling is not school at home. I wish I had record of my "homeschool style" quiz results over the last four years. I've radically changed from "school at home" to basically "unschooling". Those are totally opposite ends of the spectrum, if you're wondering. Like, 180* difference. Most of us spend thirteen years in the school system and then another four at college. Learning is very structured, regulated, and categorized. Progress is easily measured by grades and tests. Yes, there are those fun teachers that make school amazing--I was blessed with many of those. And there are electives that make education richer and more interesting. But, seriously, when you boil it down it's pretty regimented and ordered. But homeschooling isn't. There aren't class periods, no bells, no timed lunches or recesses, no hall monitors or bathroom passes. Some people have dedicated class space (we did for a little while but rarely used it), but more often than not there aren't lines of desks all pointing towards a smartboard. It's all very....free form. And that can feel unwieldy and scary! Most newbies (ahem, me) grasp for state standards and Common Core aligned curriculum and other things that make us feel a little safer. We're grasping for the sides of the box we've been in all our lives.....but the box just tipped over. Guys....you don't have to be in the box anymore. Step outside. There's fresh air out here.
The next thing I learned was that comparison is toxic. I mean, like combining ammonia and bleach toxic. I was always comparing my son to his peers. Always. Obsessively. And he wasn't necessarily measuring up. And there's all these amazing studies that show how homeschoolers can be so advanced. Which is true and that's great. But my kid wasn't off the charts on reading or math. Still isn't. When he couldn't read and his peers at church all could, I panicked. Big time. Major panic. Five alarm panic. And I pushed him hard. I shamed him. I hate admitting this to anyone, but it's important to get it out there. Because you know what happened? He started to hate everything. He hated even me reading to him, something we have always loved and shared. He hated doing school at all. The worst thing I ever did was comparing him to others and trying to shove him into someone else's box.
The third thing is related to the comparison trap.....there's no such thing as behind in homeschool. This is something homeschoolers tell each other all the time so it gets to be a cliche, but it's seriously true. I didn't believe them at first. I was panicking and comparing! But when I finally cut that out, and backed way, way, way off....I could see how my son was, in fact, learning. He was just learning on his schedule. When you plant flower seeds, they don't all sprout at the same time, let alone blossom. You can't even pop a bag of popcorn and have the kernels pop in a uniformed way. Why on earth do we expect kids to be so uniform?? So, when I stopped comparing and started recognizing our own progress, was I able to lean into his strengths and interests, and my interests too. I dialed my expectations way down and stopped thinking I had to prove anything to anyone.
Ah, yes. There it is. Another important lesson---you don't have to prove anything to anyone. Remember those stereotypes and prejudices from before? They're everywhere. You will literally run into opinions everywhere you go--the grocery store, church, family reunions, wherever. To be fair, I've been blessed with an inordinate amount of praise for homeschooling. Best compliment ever was a 90 year old store owner asking if my son was homeschooled because he was so well-behaved and polite in her shop. We both walked out ten feet tall. But most homeschoolers I know, and me as well, have run into the side-eyes and the socialization question. Relax, guys, it's homeschooling, not "under a rock schooling" and we do see people and socialize. Not so much now in the middle of a pandemic, but you get what I'm saying. Anyway, those prejudices? It made me feel like I had to prove myself to anyone with an opinion. I had to be the best homeschooler to ever school. And too bad if my kid was getting steamrolled by my insecurities. Yikes, right? But a lot of us fall into that trap. Social media makes it so much worse. I ghosted most of the homeschool groups I was in for a while a couple years ago because I couldn't handle hearing about everyone's amazing plans and big wins. We were drowning! But I was both the storm and the anchor weighing us down. Letting go of that desire to prove myself was maybe the biggest game-changer of them all.
Our homeschool doesn't look like anyone else I know. We're not exactly child-led, although I try to be interest-led. I'm not opposed to box curriculum, but I can't afford it. I have curriculum--homeschool textbooks really--but we don't use them the way they were designed to be used. We're heavy on the arts and crafts and science experiments and projects. We do a "poetry teatime" (if you hang out in homeschool world at all, you'll find out that's a big thing) but we don't actually read poetry--we read fairytales and I add in art projects and geography. We use a lot of PBS kids and YouTube. And library books? A couple weeks ago I sat down to request a few books, and the next day realized I had requested over seventy books. We have three library cards at one library! We don't belong to a co-op, although we have been part of a class at the library that we loved.
The first thing I had to learn that homeschooling is not school at home. I wish I had record of my "homeschool style" quiz results over the last four years. I've radically changed from "school at home" to basically "unschooling". Those are totally opposite ends of the spectrum, if you're wondering. Like, 180* difference. Most of us spend thirteen years in the school system and then another four at college. Learning is very structured, regulated, and categorized. Progress is easily measured by grades and tests. Yes, there are those fun teachers that make school amazing--I was blessed with many of those. And there are electives that make education richer and more interesting. But, seriously, when you boil it down it's pretty regimented and ordered. But homeschooling isn't. There aren't class periods, no bells, no timed lunches or recesses, no hall monitors or bathroom passes. Some people have dedicated class space (we did for a little while but rarely used it), but more often than not there aren't lines of desks all pointing towards a smartboard. It's all very....free form. And that can feel unwieldy and scary! Most newbies (ahem, me) grasp for state standards and Common Core aligned curriculum and other things that make us feel a little safer. We're grasping for the sides of the box we've been in all our lives.....but the box just tipped over. Guys....you don't have to be in the box anymore. Step outside. There's fresh air out here.
The next thing I learned was that comparison is toxic. I mean, like combining ammonia and bleach toxic. I was always comparing my son to his peers. Always. Obsessively. And he wasn't necessarily measuring up. And there's all these amazing studies that show how homeschoolers can be so advanced. Which is true and that's great. But my kid wasn't off the charts on reading or math. Still isn't. When he couldn't read and his peers at church all could, I panicked. Big time. Major panic. Five alarm panic. And I pushed him hard. I shamed him. I hate admitting this to anyone, but it's important to get it out there. Because you know what happened? He started to hate everything. He hated even me reading to him, something we have always loved and shared. He hated doing school at all. The worst thing I ever did was comparing him to others and trying to shove him into someone else's box.
The third thing is related to the comparison trap.....there's no such thing as behind in homeschool. This is something homeschoolers tell each other all the time so it gets to be a cliche, but it's seriously true. I didn't believe them at first. I was panicking and comparing! But when I finally cut that out, and backed way, way, way off....I could see how my son was, in fact, learning. He was just learning on his schedule. When you plant flower seeds, they don't all sprout at the same time, let alone blossom. You can't even pop a bag of popcorn and have the kernels pop in a uniformed way. Why on earth do we expect kids to be so uniform?? So, when I stopped comparing and started recognizing our own progress, was I able to lean into his strengths and interests, and my interests too. I dialed my expectations way down and stopped thinking I had to prove anything to anyone.
Ah, yes. There it is. Another important lesson---you don't have to prove anything to anyone. Remember those stereotypes and prejudices from before? They're everywhere. You will literally run into opinions everywhere you go--the grocery store, church, family reunions, wherever. To be fair, I've been blessed with an inordinate amount of praise for homeschooling. Best compliment ever was a 90 year old store owner asking if my son was homeschooled because he was so well-behaved and polite in her shop. We both walked out ten feet tall. But most homeschoolers I know, and me as well, have run into the side-eyes and the socialization question. Relax, guys, it's homeschooling, not "under a rock schooling" and we do see people and socialize. Not so much now in the middle of a pandemic, but you get what I'm saying. Anyway, those prejudices? It made me feel like I had to prove myself to anyone with an opinion. I had to be the best homeschooler to ever school. And too bad if my kid was getting steamrolled by my insecurities. Yikes, right? But a lot of us fall into that trap. Social media makes it so much worse. I ghosted most of the homeschool groups I was in for a while a couple years ago because I couldn't handle hearing about everyone's amazing plans and big wins. We were drowning! But I was both the storm and the anchor weighing us down. Letting go of that desire to prove myself was maybe the biggest game-changer of them all.
Our homeschool doesn't look like anyone else I know. We're not exactly child-led, although I try to be interest-led. I'm not opposed to box curriculum, but I can't afford it. I have curriculum--homeschool textbooks really--but we don't use them the way they were designed to be used. We're heavy on the arts and crafts and science experiments and projects. We do a "poetry teatime" (if you hang out in homeschool world at all, you'll find out that's a big thing) but we don't actually read poetry--we read fairytales and I add in art projects and geography. We use a lot of PBS kids and YouTube. And library books? A couple weeks ago I sat down to request a few books, and the next day realized I had requested over seventy books. We have three library cards at one library! We don't belong to a co-op, although we have been part of a class at the library that we loved.
And we aren't like anyone else I know! In the last year my son and I both have been diagnosed with ADHD. He learns differently than a neurotypical child and I'm realizing, I did too. We dance to the beat of a different drum. We're high strung, imaginative, creative, dramatic, emotional people. And we're not very organized. Imagine the shrug emoji right here. There are lots of people who have made passive aggressive, or maybe "micro-aggressive" comments about homeschooling over the years---like we'd all be more normal if I sent my kids to school. Allow me to remind you again that there are weirdos everywhere. And let me make this clear: we're not very interested in normal. We are uniquely made in the image of God himself. My counselor reminded me just the other day that God created me with the exact characteristics and traits he wanted me to have. The very things I often wish away, might be the things that God gifted me with to do great work for him. Or the things that draw me closest to him as I learn to manage traits that are difficult. Same thing goes for my kids.
Here's a final life lesson homeschool edition: I will still get insecure sometimes. I will still worry that it's not enough and my kids will be blockheads and it will be all my fault. Most homeschoolers I know hit that wall at least once in every school year. The more seasoned ones get over it faster. I'm still pretty new at this so I tend to wallow. I'm also an enneagram four so wallowing is just something I do, but we call it melancholy so it sounds better. But I'm learning. And so are my kids! My kids are learning academics, but they're also learning that it's okay to be different. That we all mess up sometimes and need to course correct. That some days are just hard and you get through it.
If you find yourself homeschooling and you never ever thought you would, welcome to the club! There are gobs of us here. Lay down your preconceived notions and start to imagine the possibilities. Get to know your kids in new ways. Get to know yourself in a new way. Explore interests. Adventure together--in parks and roadtrips, and in books! Oh, so many books. Don't get caught in the quagmire of comparison or the quicksand of proving yourself. Let social media inspire you, but not shame you. And most of all, enjoy the freedom of being uniquely you! You've got this.
Gather the Good
Here's a final life lesson homeschool edition: I will still get insecure sometimes. I will still worry that it's not enough and my kids will be blockheads and it will be all my fault. Most homeschoolers I know hit that wall at least once in every school year. The more seasoned ones get over it faster. I'm still pretty new at this so I tend to wallow. I'm also an enneagram four so wallowing is just something I do, but we call it melancholy so it sounds better. But I'm learning. And so are my kids! My kids are learning academics, but they're also learning that it's okay to be different. That we all mess up sometimes and need to course correct. That some days are just hard and you get through it.
If you find yourself homeschooling and you never ever thought you would, welcome to the club! There are gobs of us here. Lay down your preconceived notions and start to imagine the possibilities. Get to know your kids in new ways. Get to know yourself in a new way. Explore interests. Adventure together--in parks and roadtrips, and in books! Oh, so many books. Don't get caught in the quagmire of comparison or the quicksand of proving yourself. Let social media inspire you, but not shame you. And most of all, enjoy the freedom of being uniquely you! You've got this.
Gather the Good
Podcasts (and books): Read Aloud Revival, Wild + Free, The Brave Learner, and Sally Clarkson.
Favorite school activities: The Narnia unit studies, Bear School, Creature School, Fairytale Tea, Preschooling through Books.
Favorite school activities: The Narnia unit studies, Bear School, Creature School, Fairytale Tea, Preschooling through Books.
