Gather the Good: Despite the Darkness

"Wintergreen, can't outshine your radiance. Wintergreen, or undermine your salience. Wintergreen, I love you more than anything--despite the darkness of some of these days." 

Every now and then a song comes to me that I need. Ballads from Broadway musicals, giddy love songs from pop sensations, powerful proclamations of God's goodness from Christian artists, and honest, hopeful songs from Celtic-styled folk bands. Each song very much needed to speak something specific to me. It is played ad nauseum in its season. And each one remains in a permanent playlist in that whatever-it-is that makes me me. The soul, the heart, both perhaps. In that whatever-it-is there's a special playlist of songs that have shaped and carried me. Whenever I hear them I am reminded of another place, another time, another me, and often, some important truth I still need. 

This summer another song was added to that list. It came by way of music that has already been looping for a year or more. That made both musical experiences richer and better. Like when one book mentions another so you read it, and you end up loving them both to dog-eared pieces. 

I've mentioned before the music of We

Banjo 3, so I won't fangirl about that now. But without WB3, I wouldn't have found The East Pointers. Though, to be fair, my best friend Marybeth found them first. She listened to WB3 on my recommendation, just casually, and then The East Pointers popped up on a Spotify playlist for her. I remember her telling me she found this great Canadian band, but full disclosure, I didn't listen to them right away. What can I say? Sometimes I don't know what's good for me. So many months wasted. Then again, maybe I discovered their music when I needed it most. 

In August, Marybeth and I got tickets for the Dublin Irish Festival so we could see We Banjo 3. Marybeth also noticed that The East Pointers were scheduled to be there. Because we had an entire day deliciously to ourselves to do whatever we wanted, we made plans to see both bands twice. So, before we went I finally started listening to TEP. Before long, their recent single release "Wintergreen" was looping on my Spotify regularly. The more I listened to it, the clearer it became that I needed that song. I still need it. I've listened to it almost every day since the end of July, usually more than once. 

It's a song about having worth, beauty, and meaning despite dark days. Depression is a defining element of my personal narrative. It's not my favorite part of my story. I like the bits better where I make delectable chocolate chip cookies and serve them up in dainty cups of herbal tea for my kiddos. Or when I'm all gussied up and made up and hair done up for a rare date night with my handsome husband. Those parts look nice. They feel nice. The dark parts that sometimes rage, and often, lurk in the background of an otherwise good day, do not feel nice. It can also feel like mental health issues downgrade my worth, beauty, and meaning. I start to feel like that dark shadow of a person instead of a whole person. So, whether I like it or not, depression is a defining part of my life's story.

So, when I find something brave enough to face that kind of thing head-on and come out hopeful about it, I embrace it. Embrace might not be strong enough of a word. I take it in until it's part of me, so when the dark days surface, hope is at the ready.  "Wintergreen" is one of those songs. And I just have to share this quote, taken from The East Pointers website, by their banjoist Koady Chaisson. 

“I was diagnosed bipolar about five years ago and there was so much darkness, so many extreme highs and extreme lows,” Koady says. “It’s actually a song I kind of wish I could have heard then; a vote of confidence from the perspective of someone who loves you regardless of which end of that spectrum you’re at.”

I immediately felt I had found a kindred spirit in someone who was open and honest about their mental health. Which is incredibly fitting since Koady and his cousin Tim Chaisson (fiddler and lead singer) are from Prince Edward Island, same as the enduring and endearing Anne Shirley. I admire the bravery, boldness, and hopefulness The East Pointers infuse into their music.

Last Friday, October 25, the full album Yours to Break was finally released. I say finally because I
had a countdown widget on my phone. It was highly anticipated. By me, anyway. But judging by their social media, I'm not alone. These guys have a worldwide audience and for good reason. Their music is flawlessly executed, a little experimental, incredibly fun, and deeply soulful.

Chestnut Ridge Metropark 

There are two other songs on the new album that I must mention when I'm talking about gathering good things. I mean, the whole thing is good, but in this particular vein of hope and light and feeling alive, two songs stand out to me. The instrumental 'Light Bright' which is immediately followed by 'If You're Still In, I'm In' if you listen to the album in order (which I recommend, it has awesome flow). Since 'Light Bright' is an instrumental I can't share lyrics (duh), but I will tell you that Tim's soaring fiddle, if I close my eyes, makes me feel exactly like a bird. Light and free, soaring above the landscape, catching the wind, and nothing is weighing me down. When depression wants to pin me down, this is exactly the kind of feeling I need.

Now, I'm going to close this post with lyrics from 'If You're Still In, I'm In'. But before I do that, I want to give you a challenge. No, it's not necessarily to listen to The East Pointers. I realize that indie folk music isn't actually everyone's cup of tea. Although it should be.  Go for a drive. Listen to your favorite music. Music that makes you feel. I won't even tell you it has to make you feel happy. Sometimes we need to feel sad (good golly, have I listened to me some sad tunes in certain seasons). Just music that makes you feel something. And look around at the beauty of this autumn. The leaves are starting to fall rapidly, and there are rainy days ahead, so there's no time like the present. Take the long drive home, find a scenic route, go off the usual path, and notice what there is to see. I did this on Friday and between the new tunes and the incredible show of autumn leaves, I felt thoroughly stuffed with beauty. And with beauty, hope. With hope, life. Isn't it awesome how that works?

"We can settle in on a high warm wind. No good comes from hanging back to see what happens. With hearts like heroes, and wings like doves, we can fly away break through the clouds above. Come again, bright days, come again, come again. When you're good to go, I'm following. If you're still in, I'm in." 

Gather the Good: Book Girl

Growing up I was an avid reader. A total bookworm. An absolute geek for books. I read every American Girl book, every volume of The Baby-Sitters Club, as much of Sweet Valley High as I could get my hands on, and I adored the works of Marguerite Henry (books + horses = yes, please!). I took advanced classes in high school and majored in literature in college. I did a lot of reading, to say the least.

Then I sorta just...stopped. Between kids and married life and housekeeping and volunteering at church, there didn't seem to be time. And with social media and TV being such an easy way to unwind, my once beloved books stayed on a dusty shelf. This fact always bothered me. How could such a prolific reader become someone who reads one or two books a year? And more so, how could I ever find my way back?

In the fall of 2018, I started listening to Sally Clarkson's podcast. Her daughter Sarah was launching her newest book, Book Girl. And the timing was kismet. As I listened to Sarah and Sally talk about what it meant to be a book girl, I felt so strongly that I wanted that to be me again. I got a good deal on the eBook and devoured this lovely book. Sarah writes so beautifully, having read pages and pages of deeply beautiful books herself. Each chapter has a theme and then a book list chock full of recommendations. As I poured over the pages, I was reminded of old dear friends like Anne Shirley. I was introduced to many new authors, like Elizabeth Goudge. And I was assured of the actual brilliance of some authors I've never really attempted, like JRR Tolkien. But perhaps most importantly, Sarah gives loads of tips for working in a bit of reading every day. And she shares some compelling reasons for why it matters. The brain thrives on reading in a way it cannot with social media and screens. We grow as people as we read, in empathy, imagination, and understanding. Reading is a magical, powerful pastime.

I read Book Girl in maybe November of 2018. I don't remember precisely but I think it was November because in December I took off reading. I'll tell you all about those reads closer to December. Anyway, I took Sarah's advice and kept a book handy for easy reading. I also downloaded a couple through the library app on my phone. And once I had the taste of it again, I couldn't stop.

As of now, in October of 2019, I've read 50 books. The main secret to my success is that I basically abandoned television for a while. Instead of unwinding with an episode or two of my favorite shows, I picked up a book instead. I also tried to read a chapter every morning during breakfast. I started out reading a chapter of nonfiction in the morning and a chapter of fiction in the evening. That didn't last too long because the fiction was riveting and took over. Thank you, Tedd Dekker. It really didn't take long for that passion for reading to return and for my own book lists to fill up with completed volumes.

So. Are you a book girl? Did you use to be one and seem to have lost the time? Have you never been bookish but would like to be? Start with this book!

And if you're a parent who would like to raise bookish children, check out Sarah's book Caught Up in a Story. In this treasure trove, Sarah goes through the various stages of a story and childhood development. At each stage, she offers a detailed book list with stories to foster imagination and character. I discovered some fantastic books that my son and I both love through this book. Miss Rumphius, Roxaboxen, and Brambly Hedge are now classics in our family. And I have lists of books to read with my kids as they grow that will continue to nurture their imaginations and give them a rich inner life.

Aren't books just the best things??!

Gathering the Good in a Fallow Year

 2019 has been an unusual year for me, personally and writingly. (Hey, Shakespeare made up words and everyone was okay with it). I've felt that this has been somewhat of a fallow year for me. A year of letting the fields go dormant and seeing what wild things grow, what nutrients need restored, and what can bloom in rest. I've picked away at writing here and there, but I've not made significant progress in anything. And that's okay. Believe me--it's taken a lot of work for me to get to the point where I can say that it is okay. When you self-identify as a writer and you stop writing, it's kind of an existential crisis.

Now, however, I want to start blogging again, because in this year I have discovered and cultivated so many beautiful things that bring me joy or catharsis or meaning. I've gobbled up fascinating books and practically brainwashed my family with music on repeat and brewed life-changing cups of tea and even sat awhile in passive entertainment with movies and shows. Off and on, I've thought to myself: I should blog about this! Book lists! Beauty! All the things! But then the words slip off of my fingers, like rings that need sized to fit, and I do not write.

Full disclosure: I'm a little nervous declaring some big return to writing or blogging or whatever. As if it matters terribly much to anyone other than me. But I have one of those personalities that craves all the things and has grand intentions, but then runs off to watch clouds change shape or to pick up another book full of someone else's words. In other words: I'm a creative with ADD.

And yet...it's a wonderful little phrase, isn't it? And yet....There's possibility in it that despite how things are, there may be something else. Ahem, anyway. And yet, I plan to share here some of the very beautiful things I have loved this year. Movies, shows, novels, picture books, non-fiction books, tea blends, music, bands, podcasts....I'm going to gather up this goodness and leave it for you here. So should you ever find yourself in need of something beautiful, or a simple joy, you can find some suggestions. After all, so many of the things I have enjoyed this year came on the recommendation of others. Isn't the internet a marvelous place that way? People I've never met in real life have led me to fountains of loveliness, and perhaps, I can leave a well for others.

One of the most important lessons I have learned in this fallow year is that beauty matters. Oh, it can feel like a waste of time, or that no one in all the world cares, but that simply isn't so. God himself revels in beauty. Look around at this colorful world! Outside my window right now is a tree turning the most remarkable shade of golden yellow. On Sunday I marveled with my children and my nieces at the bright pink of flamingos. And my son and my daughter and myself all have uniquely different shades of green eyes...my daughter's are so dark that the green can only be seen in the right light, my son's are rimmed with gold, and mine are bright like a polished emerald. And who among us has never cried at the intense beauty of a song? Who has never laid aside a book feeling full and satisfied, almost as if it was a feast? Beauty nourishes us! It moves us along and sustains us. And in the darkest times, or in years of existential crisis, beauty gives us purpose.

So, I think it's time that I share this treasure trove I've gathered. In fact, the tag for each of these posts will be: Gather the Good. It's the name of a We Banjo 3 album and I fell in love with the name on contact. And if you somehow still don't know who We Banjo 3 is, I suggest you go back and read this post. Then, hop on Spotify or wherever you listen to music, and listen to the Haven album. Or the song 'Happiness'. You can't go wrong. Trust me.

I will also try to do some stories on Instagram and Facebook with brief snippets of what I'm loving and some goodness for your day. And here on the blog I can provide links where you can buy, download, subscribe, listen, or otherwise enjoy it for yourself.

And please, always feel free to share with me any books, movies, songs, or anything else that has been a particular source of beauty or meaning for you. Or a simple pleasure, like brewing a cup of tea, or I don't know, sketching a wildflower. I'm always on the hunt for more good things to gather.